By J.R. Miller
There is a wide difference between childlikeness and childishness. Childlikeness is commended as very beautiful in life and disposition. The Master exhorted His disciples to become as little children, and said that until they would do so, they could not enter into the kingdom of heaven. The finest things in character are childlike things--humility, simplicity, trustfulness, the absence of scheming and ambition.
But childishness is something altogether different. It is something to get as far as possible away from, and not something to cultivate. It is one of the things we are to put off and leave behind as we grow into the strength and beauty of mature manhood. Instead of being a noble quality, the mark of rank and greatness in spiritual life--it is the sign of weakness, of unmanliness.
Childishness in a child may be endured. One is expected to be a baby--before he becomes a man. But a childish life is not beautiful. Precocity is deformity, monstrosity. We are forbearing with childishness in a child. We do not grow impatient with it. "He is only a child," we say in apology for actions and words and ways which are not beautiful. But when these childish things appear in one who has come to manhood in years, we find no excuse for them. They are blemishes, marks of immaturity. We ought to leave them behind us, when we pass up into the larger, more mature life of manhood. We have good authority for saying that when we are children--we speak as children, we feel as children, we act as children; but when we become men--we put away childish things.
Yet there are too many people who keep their childish ways--after they are grown up. For example, pouting is not uncommon in quite young children. Something disappoints them, and they turn away in sullen mood, thrusting out their lips and refusing to speak to anyone or take part in what their companions are doing. It is no wonder that the other children jeer at such puerile behavior in one of their number, ridiculing him with taunting epithets. The lesson of good naturedly bearing slights, hurts, or defeats--usually has to be learned by experience, and the lesson is a long one.
It need not be wondered at, therefore, if young children are sometimes slow in mastering their sensitiveness in this regard. We may have great patience with them. Immaturity is always faulty. An unripe apple is not usually sweet. Unripeness, however, is not blameworthy. It is but a phase in the progress toward ripeness.
But every now and then--we find full grown people who have not gotten beyond the pouting phase. They are very genial and happy in their relations with others--while nothing occurs to impinge upon their self esteem. But the moment anyone seems to slight them or to show improper respect for them, when one appears to treat them unkindly, or when some scheme or proposal of theirs is set aside, instantly out go the lips in a childish pout, down come the brows in a bad tempered frown, and the offended person goes off in a fit of babyish sulking.
This spectacle is not uncommon among young people in their relations with each other. There are some who demand absolute and exclusive monopoly in their friendships. They are ardent in their devotion to the person on whom they fasten their affection--but that person must become wholly theirs, scarcely treating any other one respectfully, certainly showing no cordiality to anyone. If the object of their attachment fails to be fully loyal, the doting friend pouts and sulks and whimpers, "You don't care for me any more!" Such conduct may be tolerated in children--but in young people who are past the years of childhood, it is the token of a sickly and most unwholesome sentimentality.
A beautiful friendship is one which is generous and trustful, not exacting and unreasonable in its demands, which is willing and glad to see others esteemed and honored, and sharing in affection and regard. Yet too many people are selfish in their friendships, not only demanding the first place--but insisting that no other one shall be admitted to any second or third place, even that no one else shall be treated with common courtesy. Such people are not fit to have friends. Even the most childish child rarely shows such a spirit. Envy and jealousy are most unlovely, and are unworthy of anyone, especially of anyone who bears the Christian name; and are certainly to be set down among the childish things which should be put away, on becoming men and women.
There are other manifestations of feeling and disposition which should be left behind by all who grow up into maturity of life. Paul names many qualities which have no rightful place in a Christian life and which should be put away--anger, wrath, malice, railing, and shameful speaking. There are many good people, good in the great features of life and character, who are very hard to live with. They are thoughtless, ungentle, uncontrolled in speech. They lack the graces of kindliness and helpfulness. While they are honest, true, strong, upright--they are lacking in the refinements of life, which in the last analysis, are essential to real lovableness of character, and which make a person winsome, agreeable, companionable, and pleasant to get along with in intimate relations.
Very much of the unhappiness of human lives is caused, not by cruel wrongs which crush the heart--but by tiny unkindnesses and irritations, which fret and vex the spirit continually. A thoughtful woman says very truly: "Taking life through and through, the larger part of the sadness and heartache it has known, has not come through its great sorrows--but through little needless hurts and unkindnesses. Look back and you can readily count up the great griefs and bereavements which have rent your heart and changed your life. You know what weary months they darkened. There was certain sacredness and dignity, like the dignity of lonely mountain tops, in their very greatness; and looking back, if not at the time, you can often understand their purpose. But, oh! The days which are spoiled by smaller hurts! Spoiled because somebody has a foolish spite, a wicked mood, an unreasonable prejudice, which must be gratified and have its way, no matter whose rights, plans, or hearts are hurt by it!
One has said, "There are so many hard places along the road for most of us, made hard needlessly by human selfishness, that the longing to be kind with a tender, thoughtful, Christlike kindness grows stronger in me each day I live."
It is not expected of a child, that he be always thoughtful--the lesson usually has to be learned, and the learning of it takes years and long experience. But when one has come to maturity, it is certainly time that at least one has begun to grow kind and considerate.
These are only illustrations of a most unhappy spirit which is much too common in the world. We all know how such conduct mars the beauty of manliness. Nothing is a better test of character and disposition, than the way one meets defeat or bears injury. "Blessed are the meek" is a great deal more beautiful beatitude than we are accustomed to think. Commendation is sweet--but we show a pitiable weakness if we keep sweet only when people are saying complimentary things to us or of us, and then get discouraged and out of sorts, when the adulation fails to come.
Let us put away childish things forever. Let the young people begin to do so very early. If you find the slightest disposition in yourself to pout or sulk or be envious or jealous, or to play the baby in any way realize that this is a most unchristian attitude.
